


The Silence Screams (That You Are Gone)

by TheBlueshiftNebula



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Missing Scene, Shiro (Voltron) is Missing, Sparring, Takes place somewhere in season 3, holograms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 06:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20944154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlueshiftNebula/pseuds/TheBlueshiftNebula
Summary: Months after Shiro disappears, Keith is pushed to the breaking point.He finds comfort in an unlikely place.





	The Silence Screams (That You Are Gone)

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to Yu for being so patient with me, and for reading this over as always :)

Keith ran an irritated hand through his hair. "Is this really necessary?" he muttered.

Allura crossed her arms, looking equal parts frustrated and disappointed at Keith's lack of enthusiasm. "More than necessary. We're forming Voltron in a way we never have before. These training exercises are designed to strengthen our bond, which we absolutely must do."

"Yeah, but....fighting each other?" Hunk looked uncomfortable with the idea alone. "That seems...wrong."

Allura sighed, the tension in her shoulders dropping a little. "I acknowledge that it might be....difficult. But I truly believe it is necessary."

They were all gathered on the training deck, dressed in full Paladin armor. Allura had called them in not too long after recovering from their disastrous battle with Lotor. It was clear that their ability to function as a team was, in a word, pathetic. It was, of course, to be expected: a new Paladin, a new leader, a new pilot for the Red Lion...there were bound to be kinks in their teamwork.

But this...

"We won't actually be fighting one another directly," Allura explained. "The Castle has a combat profile on each of you, taken during training. It will present a hologram of each of you for us to fight, from least to most difficult." Allura's eyes softened, seeing the Paladins' wary expressions. "I know it seems...harsh. But learning about each other and our weaknesses will only serve to strengthen our ability as a team."

Keith sighed heavily. He just wanted this to be over. He wasn't a leader; he'd proven that already. He was doubtful that beating the shit out of holograms of his team would help. Besides, he was exhausted; he hadn't been sleeping right at all lately. The nightmares only seemed to be getting worse.

But if Allura thought it would help...

"Well, I suppose it's worth a try," Pidge said slowly, frowning.

"Yeah! I wouldn't mind shooting at a hologram of Keith for a while." Lance's stupid grin did nothing to help Keith's dark mood.

Rolling his shoulders, Keith sighed again. "Fine," he snapped. "Let's just do it, then."

Allura nodded once, seeming to realize that was the best she would get from Keith. She turned to the control room behind them. "We can start now, Coran."

There was silence for a moment while Coran started up the program. His voice came through the comms, echoing through the training room. "Now, Paladins, each time you defeat a hologram, another one will appear automatically, but it won't engage until you give the word."

Allura nodded, turning back to the team. "Ready?"

Keith took a look at the team. They seemed more eager to get started, less wary of fighting each other after the short banter. The familiar sounds of bayards powering up filled the room, and Keith felt the pre-battle anticipation settle on him, a comforting weight. A part of him—a part that he tried to suppress—was a little ticked off that Allura was calling the shots today. Wasn't _he _their leader now?

_Well,_ his mind whispered, _maybe you should act like it._

Keith called his own bayard, the familiar feeling of it settling in his hand, and tried to shut his brain off.

Coran activated the program, and they were greeted with the image of—

"Oh, come on!" Pidge exclaimed, indignant. "The Castle considers _me _the least threatening?!"

Lance nudged Pidge playfully. "We gotta start somewhere, right?"

Pidge groaned loudly. Allura had the decency to look sheepish. "The Castle does tend to value physical strength quite a bit more in this instance, unfortunately."

"Perhaps we should reprogram it?" Coran's voice was thoughtful. "Number Five certainly isn't nonthreatening, that's for sure."

"Yes, the program isn't quite accurate after all," Allura said, frowning in consideration.

Keith, however, was practically vibrating with nervous energy. He'd been built up for a fight, and he was planning on getting it. "Reprogram it later. Let's just do what the Castle has for now."

"Right." Allura nodded to the observation room, where Coran was monitoring the program. "Let's begin."

"Good luck, Paladins!" With that, the hologram of Pidge attacked.

With the five of them working together, they managed to take out the Pidge hologram with relative ease, even if Hunk did almost shoot Lance in the back. The hologram fizzled out with the final blow from Keith, and they had a moment to catch their breath.

"I can't believe you almost shot me!" Lance exclaimed, turning on Hunk.

Hunk looked embarrassed. "It's weird, fighting you guys! I was disoriented!"

Allura sighed. "We certainly have a lot to work on."

The next hologram was forming, and soon they stood face to face with Lance.

"Aw, what? Already?" Lance blew out a frustrated breath. "Not cool, man. I would have thought I'm at least better than Hunk."

"Hey!" Hunk exclaimed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"At least you weren't first," Pidge muttered darkly.

"Guys, this isn't a competition." Keith was already tired of this. "The Castle ranks us by what it knows. Let's just get this over with."

"Right," Allura said, taking command again. Keith grit his teeth, trying not to let it get to him. Allura was the princess, after all; it was expected of him to yield to her when needed. But it still felt like a criticism. "Coran, start the program."

With that, Holo-Lance took out his bayard—the blue one, Keith noted—and the fight began anew.

It was almost easier to take out Lance than it had been with Pidge; as soon as Hunk disarmed him from afar, Keith managed to cut through the hologram in a single strike.

"You enjoyed that, didn't you?!" Lance yelled, whirling on Keith.

Keith scowled back. "Maybe if you weren't so preoccupied with being the '_Sharpshooter'_, it wouldn't have been so easy."

"You...!"

Allura sighed. "I'm beginning to see where many of our teamwork issues stem from," she said, mostly to herself.

Even as they squabbled, the next hologram was forming. It was—

"Oh!" Allura's frustration was forgotten as she was greeted with a hologram of herself. "I didn't expect this."

"Well, of course, Princess!" Coran said, voice brimming with pride. "You are a Paladin now, after all. Of course the Castle has a combat profile for you."

"Well, obviously it's not ranking us by just physical strength," Hunk chimed in, "or else Allura would have been last."

Pidge hummed thoughtfully. "That's true." She smiled widely. "I can't wait to check out the coding behind this."

"It will have to wait, Number Five," Coran said, voice downright diabolical as he activated the program.

Allura's physical strength was clearly her most valuable asset. Instead of the blue bayard, however, Holo-Allura was using her signature staff weapon. Keith wasn't sure what to make of that.

As long as the Paladins kept a relatively safe distance, they were able to defeat her without too much trouble: Hunk and Lance kept her from getting too close, while Keith's short range fighting style kept her occupied. Pidge's whip allowed her to stay in-between the main fight, and made her optimal to deal the final blow.

Allura huffed, seemingly offended by the lack of difficulty in defeating her. "Well, at least we're finally acting as a team," she said, even if it was a bit disgruntled.

Lance slid up to her, grinning widely. "I thought that was the most difficult fight by far," he said, tilting his head towards her. Allura scoffed, turning her head in exasperation, but Keith saw her small smile at the compliment.

Keith rolled his eyes as the Hunk hologram formed in Allura's place.

Hunk grinned, clearly happy with his place in the Castle's database. "So I'm second best? That's awesome!"

Lance's grin quickly turned sour. "Ugh, so _Keith _is the best fighter here? _Gross. _"

Keith made a frustrated noise, unable to help it. "Do you _ever _shut up?"

Lance opened his mouth to retaliate, but just then, a flash of yellow exploded between them. Keith stumbled back, raising his sword on instinct. "What the hell, Coran?"

"Sorry, sorry!" came his reply, though it didn't sound very sorry. "Activated it by accident!"

Yeah, right. Coran was probably getting tired of their bickering.

Well, Keith thought, that made two of them.

Defeating Hunk was considerably more difficult than the others, and that surprised Keith. Hunk's weapon made him perfect for long range fighting, but his physical strength made getting too close equally dangerous. His bayard was bulky, however, and speed wasn't his strong suit. And so, with Keith shouting orders for Pidge to distract him, for Lance and Hunk to cover them from a distance, and for Allura to get in close, they managed to dispatch Holo-Hunk as well.

Lance whistled in appreciation as the Hunk hologram dissolved under Allura's whip. "Damn, buddy. I should have given you more credit. You're _awesome. _"

Hunk was panting hard, but seemed to have lost most of his apprehension in fighting the team. He beamed at the compliment. "Aw, thanks buddy. Sorry you were....you know...early in the lineup."

Lance scoffed. "Don't worry about it. Pidge will reprogram this thing and you'll be number one, and I'll be number two for sure."

Keith rolled his eyes, but couldn't quite fight off his smile. Allura was right; this exercise was bringing them together as a team, however unorthodox the methods were. Keith even found himself beginning to enjoy it, the weight of leadership feeling a little less heavy with the reminder that they were in this together. It felt a little more natural to order the others into fighting maneuvers—even Allura, who was the _princess,_ listened to his commands without question. It almost felt...good.

Plus, the physical exertion was exactly what he needed after so many restless nights.

Finally, the Keith hologram appeared before them, and Lance sighed loudly. "Great. Now there's two of them."

"Focus, Lance," Keith barked, wondering how the hell he was supposed to order the team around his own weaknesses. Holo-Keith took out his bayard—the red bayard; had the Castle just not updated the Paladin switch?—and settled into a fighting stance.

"Alright guys...last one," Keith said, trying his hand at being encouraging. "Let's do this."

This fight was longer than the others, and more brutal. Keith had nearly forgotten how dirty his fighting style could be. He winced when Holo-Keith took a cheap gut shot at Lance with the hilt of his sword, ducking under his guard to get up close and personal. _Lance's weakness,_ Keith noted. Lance was good at long distance, but close quarters combat was still something he needed to work on.

If only Lance would listen to him.

As Holo-Keith was attacking Lance, though, Pidge managed to come up behind him to wrap her bayard's whip around his sword arm. With a hard tug, she quickly disarmed him. Holo-Keith grunted in surprise, but followed the momentum of the pull and swung a fist at Pidge. She managed to dodge, but just barely, leaving Holo-Keith room to shake off the whip and slide toward where his sword had fallen.

Keith watched as Allura met him halfway, her bayard's whip replacing Pidge's around Holo-Keith's arm. Holo-Keith turned his full attention on Allura, wrenching hard on the whip. Allura stood fast, barely moving as Holo-Keith tugged at the whip. But Holo-Keith, like the real Keith, knew her strength, and when the whip pulled taunt between them, he used it as a slingshot, pulling himself around to get at Allura's unprotected back. He'd managed to pick up his bayard again, and was aiming a slash directly at Allura's back.

But just then, a red shot of light burst over Allura's head, and Holo-Keith dissolved into particles.

Lance exhaled shakily from where he crouched, one knee on the ground, his bayard still up. "What the hell, Keith! You could have really hurt Allura just then."

Keith whirled on him, outraged. "Are you serious? That wasn't _me, _it was a hologram!"

"Uh, yeah, but the Castle gets that fighting style _from you! _" Lance lowered his bayard and stood as he glared at Keith, anger flashing in his eyes. "And you fight dirty, man."

"Enough of this!" Allura exclaimed, getting in between them, like a teacher intervening in a middle school fight. She turned to Lance, thoroughly exasperated with his antics. "Keith is right; that wasn't _him. _You needn't blame him for the actions of his hologram." She turned to Keith, who straightened his back in response. No; _he _was the leader of Voltron now. She couldn't talk down to him like she did to Lance.

But surprisingly enough, she didn't. "Keith, what were the issues here?"

Keith let out some of the tension in his shoulders. She didn't discipline him in front of the others, at least, even if it felt like he was being spoken to like an unruly student. "I guess...I was too focused on each individual opponent." Keith allowed his bayard to vanish from his hand, his exhaustion suddenly catching up to him. "I forgot about Lance's gun because I was too focused on you."

Allura nodded, seemingly relieved that he wasn't going to fight her on this. "Now then, why don't we all take a break and meet on the bridge in a few doboshes. We can more fully discuss the results of today's training."

Everyone looked relieved at her words, more than ready to call it a day after a long bout of training. But just as they were turning to leave, Coran's voice was back on the comms. "There's....one more."

Allura frowned, looking up at the control room. "What do you mean? We've been through all five of us."

Coran sounded just as confused. "The program is setting up one more opponent."

"One more?" Hunk repeated, brow furrowed. "Someone better than Keith?"

There was a sharp gasp, and Keith looked over to see the colour drain from Pidge's face. "Turn it off, Coran!" she cried. "Turn it off—"

But it was too late. The hologram in front of them was forming, and after a second—

Allura gasped, a hand flying to her mouth. Lance took a stumbling step back, and Hunk made a choked noise.

Keith was rooted in place, eyes wide, jaw going slack as he took in the image in front of him; it refused to register, and for a second, everything stood still. But then it slammed into his brain like a truck, and his heart clenched in his chest.

In front of them stood a hologram of Shiro.

Of course. Why wouldn't the Castle have a combat profile for the Black Paladin? This explained why all of their bayards were their original ones. And of course Shiro would be their final opponent, if they were ranked according to battle ability.

"Oh, Paladins." Coran's voice was sad. "I'm so sorry, I should have known it would pull up Shiro's profile. I'll turn it off immediately—"

"_No _."

Keith was barely aware he had said the word out loud until he saw four shocked faces turn to him. Keith grit his teeth, pushing past the complicated feelings bubbling inside of him. "We're here for teamwork, right?" Keith tried to sound like a leader, but his voice was weak sounding and strangled. "What better way than to defeat our best fighter?"

Hunk shook his head. "This is messed up, man. Fighting Shiro after.....after all that's happened?"

"Keith..." Surprisingly, it was Lance who stepped forward, previous animosity nowhere to be found. "I don't think this is a good idea."

Keith bristled. "Why not? We're here, the program's active. Let's just finish it."

"Are you sure about this, Keith?" Allura asked softly.

Turning back toward the hologram, Keith drank in the image. Shiro's face was expressionless, like a statue. It clearly wasn't Shiro, even if it looked exactly like him. Shiro's face was always doing _something _: biting his lip in concentration, brow furrowing when reading battle plans, nodding animatedly when speaking to Allura. Eyes sparkling when talking about flying, eyebrows up in surprise when Lance said something smart, smiling at Keith when he caught him looking—

Keith's hands were shaking. He called back his bayard—_Shiro's bayard,_ a voice in his head whispered. Its familiar weight didn't reassure him like it usually did. "We should do this."

There was a beat of silence, and then Keith heard as the rest of them recalled their weapons. But this time, Allura was quiet. Waiting for Keith to give the command.

Keith swallowed hard, willing his voice to be steady. "Activate the program, Coran."

There was a beat where nothing happened. The Shiro hologram bent his knees slightly, taking that second to size up his opponents. Then his arm activated, and he attacked.

Keith had seen Shiro fight, of course; he'd seen all of them fight. He'd sparred with Shiro, both during late nights in the Garrison and in the Castle. He thought he would be prepared.

He wasn't. None of them were.

Keith fully expected Shiro to come after him first, or maybe Hunk; after all, Shiro was an experienced fighter. He would aim to take out the stronger opponents first. So he was completely thrown off balance when Shiro immediately made a beeline for—

Pidge?

Allura and Keith were in the front, with Lance and Hunk in the back, taking aim with their longer range weapons. Pidge hung around in front of Lance, being short enough to not get in the way of his rifle, her bayard making her ideal for mid range combat.

Lance and Hunk were attempting to lay down covering fire, but Shiro dodged around the blasts easily, almost gracefully. He came up to Pidge, who was too surprised by his sudden appearance in her face to fully deploy her bayard. Shiro body checked her, sending her flying backwards—directly into Lance. They collapsed in a tangled heap of limbs, Lance's gun spinning away from them.

_Two down_. He'd taken out two opponents at once, almost immediately taking out one of their long range fighters.

Keith realized what a mistake this had been. Sure, he'd seen Shiro fight with Voltron, had sparred with him on sleepless nights. But it occurred to him that he'd never been on the receiving end of the full might of Shiro's combat ability. Before Kerberos, he had been formidable; but now, after his time in the arena—after becoming _The Champion _—Shiro had become _deadly._

Keith grit his teeth and forced himself to focus; it was too late to stop now. He tried to predict who Shiro would go after next: Allura, with her incredible strength? Keith, with his short range capability?

Shiro turned quickly, wasting no time going after his next target: Hunk.

Hunk hadn't been able to shoot at Shiro while he was so close to Lance and Pidge, and while he was still trying to adjust his aim, Shiro crossed the distance between them, the Galra arm swinging at Hunk's face. Hunk managed to block with his bayard, but he needed both hands to lift it. It left Shiro able to land a punch to his stomach, in the weak part right below the chest plate. Hunk staggered backward, the wind knocked out of him. But just as the Galra arm was coming around for another blow, it got caught by Allura's whip.

Shiro looked over, eyes narrowing in calculation. Allura held the whip taunt, planting herself solidly in place, effectively keeping his Galra arm from moving. Even as a hologram, Shiro knew it was pointless to try and overpower Allura. She looked over at Keith, and he knew this was his chance.

He sprinted to Shiro, sword in hand. Shiro's dead expression stared back at him, and it shook Keith to his core.

Just as Keith was within striking distance, Shiro suddenly went slack, falling sideways. Allura, surprised at the sudden lack of tension in the whip, was sent staggering backwards, powered by her own strength. Catching himself before face planting on the ground, Shiro kicked out just as Keith was within striking distance, trying to sweep his legs out from under him. Keith managed to abort the attack he was planning in time to jump backwards, but Shiro was already moving, vaulting to his feet, Allura's whip still loosely wrapped around his arm. Allura was still off balance, and Shiro pulled the whip to force her to meet him in the middle. She managed to keep herself upright, but came face to face with Shiro, who pulled her bayard completely out her hand before slamming his shoulder into her chest.

She skidded across the floor, right past Hunk, who had recovered and was taking aim. Shiro whirled on him just as he fired, just barely managing to dodge the shot. Taking Allura's bayard—still in its whip form—Shiro flung it at Hunk, where it tangled with his gun. Surprised, Hunk tried to shake it off, but Shiro was there, landing a punch to the underside of his jaw, and another one straight to his stomach. Hunk landed heavily on the floor, his gun still tangled in Allura's whip.

_Now or never_. Keith took the opportunity of Shiro's distraction to sprint towards him, sword raised, ready to strike.

Shiro turned just as Keith was bringing the sword down. He swung his sword at Shiro's unprotected face, but Shiro brought his Galra arm up to block at the last second. Keith forgot how _fast _Shiro was, despite his size. The blade skirted down the arm, sending sparks flying, and Shiro made a small, pained noise at the contact. God, it was still his _voice,_ and all of Keith's instincts screamed to protect Shiro, to find what hurt him and tear it to pieces—

Shiro wasted no time, however. Shoving Keith's blade away, he used his left hand to punch Keith square in the jaw.

Keith went sprawling, and before he could recover, Shiro was on top of him, the glowing arm inches from his unprotected throat.

Looking up at him, Keith took in that expressionless face. Every other hologram had been the same: expressionless, with dead eyes. But this was _Shiro,_ Shiro who had been missing for so long, who haunted Keith's dreams, whose name was on Keith's lips every time he woke up from yet another nightmare—

And suddenly, the hologram on top of him dissolved. Keith's eyes widened as Shiro faded from view, and his hand came up on instinct to grasp at the disappearing pieces of him. _Please no,_ Keith thought, his exhausted mind pulling on bits and pieces of his nightmares. _Please no don't fade away don't leave me again I can't do this without you—_

"Keith."

The sound of his name snapped his head over, and he saw Allura kneeling beside him. "Are you injured?"

Keith dropped his hand, letting it hit the floor with a dull _thud. _He sat up slowly, taking in the scene around him. The others were still on the ground where Shiro's hologram had left them. Pidge had untangled herself from Lance, and was sitting with her knees drawn to her chest, her face buried. Hunk was sitting up, but facing away, his shoulders shaking silently.

And Lance...Lance was quiet, for once, just staring at the ceiling with glazed eyes as he lay sprawled on his back.

Oh, god. Keith had done this to them. Not ten minutes ago, they were laughing together after a good round of training. They'd been a little closer to the teamwork they so desperately needed to achieve. Keith was supposed to _lead _them, and what had he done? Forced them to fight the hologram of their missing friend, whose absence was still weighing on all of them so heavily.

On some level, Keith had assumed everyone had moved on from Shiro's disappearance. How could they still make jokes, still sit around and laugh about anything, when Shiro was gone? How could they care about the fate of the universe when _Shiro was gone?! _Keith's world had shattered—again, after he'd just managed to put the pieces back together—and they all acted like they were simply able to.... _go on_. And Keith was so angry, so sad and upset and _alone_.

And then it hit him. He wanted them to feel like he did. He forced them to fight Shiro's hologram under the guise of _team building,_ but really, Keith wanted them to hurt the way he was hurting.

Allura was reaching out, and her hand brushed his arm. Keith couldn't feel it through his armor, but he jerked away regardless. Allura drew her hand back like she had been burned. "Keith, please."

Keith scrambled to his feet, bringing his shaking hands to his chest.

_I can't lead them like you._

He felt sick. He had failed his team. Shiro would be so disappointed in him, if he could see him now.

Allura was still kneeling where he had been lying, looking up at him with equal parts concern and sadness. It was too much. It was all too much.

So Keith turned and ran.

* * *

The knocking on his door was bordering on maddening.

Keith sat where he'd been for the past few hours: on his bed, knees drawn to his chest. His armor was in pieces across the floor, having shed them as soon as he walked through the door. It almost looked like a battlefield in its own right, the various parts of it scattered like corpses, littering his floor with red.

He'd made an effort to change into something presentable, but ended up with his pajama pants and black shirt he normally wore under his jacket. His knees were aching from being in the same position for hours, but he couldn't really bring himself to care. It wasn't as if he didn't deserve some pain, after what he'd done.

The knocking stopped, finally, and Keith let out a sigh of relief. But it turned out to be presumptuous when a voice came through the door.

"Keith? I know you're in there."

Was that...Lance?

" Come on, open up before I have to convince Pidge to like, hack it or something."

Keith sighed heavily, knowing Lance was just stubborn enough to actually do it. Dropping his arms from around his legs, Keith scooted to the edge of the bed before standing, legs going a bit numb for a moment. He managed to hobble over to the door right as Lance had started to say something else, but he cut himself off as the door slid open.

"Oh, good. Hi, Keith."

Keith scowled. "What do you want, Lance?"

Lance just grinned at him like nothing was wrong. "Is that any way to treat your new Red Paladin?" Brushing Keith aside, Lance walked right in, as if it was his room rather than Keith's. "Geez, it's dark as hell in here. What do you have against lights?"

Keith clenched his jaw, exercising all his willpower to not snap at Lance. Didn't he know Keith just wanted to be left alone?

Lance looked around the room, taking it all in. Keith didn't really care what he thought, and moved to sit on his bed. Lance settled himself next to Keith, still acting so damn casual. Keith refused to face him.

They sat in silence for a moment. Just as it was beginning to approach _awkward,_ Lance spoke up.

"So...about training today."

Keith stiffened. "What about it?" he replied curtly, just barely managing to contain himself.

"Well..." Lance fidgeted, suddenly looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable. "I thought we should, like....talk about it?"

He sounded so unsure, but Keith just shrugged, still not looking at him. There wasn't anything to say.

"It was pretty messed up," Lance continued, seemingly unfazed by Keith's silence. Keith clenched his jaw, willing his anger to subside.

"I mean, fighting everyone, and then.....with Shiro—"

Keith had already been on edge before training; hell, he'd been on edge for _weeks_ now. But after everything—after Allura taking over training and the sleepless nights and _fighting Shiro _—he was a grenade just waiting to go off.

And go off he _did._

"What do you want me to say, Lance?!" Keith whirled on him, all of his anger and frustration bubbling to the surface. "That I fucked up? That you were right all along about me?! Well, congratulations, you were right!"

Lance's eyes widened at the outburst, and he put his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Keith—"

"That's what you came here to say, isn't it?" Keith found that now that the dam had been broken, there was no stopping it. "That I'm selfish? That I'm the _loner? _That I shouldn't be the leader? That I can't be like Shi—" The rest wouldn't come out, and he choked on Shiro's name.

Lance was shaking his head, and he tried again to interrupt. "Hang on—"

"Why? So you can tell me all the ways _you _would have done it better?" Keith laughed darkly, and there was no humor in the sound. "Sorry to break it to you, but I'm well aware of how shit I am at this. So thanks for your opinion, but I didn't ask for it, and I sure as hell don't need it."

"_Keith, _" Lance said desperately. "I didn't—"

"So what? You want to be the leader instead? Be Mister _Black Paladin,_ saving the universe? That's fine by me—you want it so badly, _you can have it!"_

Lance was leaning back, eyes still wide in shock. Keith was breathing hard, heart pounding a bruise in his chest. The adrenaline from his outburst was running through him, and he wanted nothing more than for Lance to yell right back at him. It's what he deserved, after all.

But Lance didn't look angry, or even annoyed. He just looked...concerned. Sad. The same look Allura had earlier. "I didn't come here to yell at you, Keith," he said softly, sitting up slightly. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

The words were like an electric shock, and Keith found it only fed the vicious typhoon inside him. "Am I alright? Yes, I'm perfectly fine. I just tried to kill the entire team on the training deck through a hologram of my best friend, but yeah, I'm great."

"Keith..."

"God, why can't you just leave me alone?! Why are you always sticking your nose in my business?!" Keith was yelling again, and he jumped up from the bed, glaring down at Lance. "Get the _fuck _out of my room, how about that?!"

Finally, Lance's features clouded with something—anger?—and he jumped up to meet Keith's eyes. Keith expected this is when Lance would punch him, or yell right back, or something, _anything—_

"No."

Keith choked on his next breath. "_No? _"

"No." Lance crossed the short distance between them, and he wrapped his hands around Keith's upper arms. His grip was tight, almost painful, though Keith made no move to shake him off. "I'm not leaving you alone."

Keith sputtered, his anger beginning to die out, like the last embers of a fire. "_Why not? _"

"Why not?" Lance repeated, incredulous. "Because it doesn't take a genius like Hunk or Pidge to see how badly you're hurting." Lance's eyes softened, his expression becoming something gentler. "We've been so focused on figuring out Voltron and fighting the Galra that we haven't had time to _help _you, but god, Keith, you don't have to do everything alone, you know?"

But that was the thing. He _did_. He'd always been alone. Until Shiro.

But now Shiro was gone. Again.

Keith's anger flared up again, briefly, but then collapsed on itself like a dying star. His shoulders slumped, and Lance's hands around his arms finally relaxed a bit. And then, to his horror, Keith felt tears begin to well in his eyes.

_No, _he thought, panic taking root where the anger had been. _No, not in front of Lance, he'll never see me as a leader if I do—_

But when Keith looked up, he didn't see annoyance, or judgment, or derision. All he saw was...understanding.

Shiro was gone. Keith felt his absence in every part of his life, like someone had cut out his heart and left a gaping hole in its wake. But the look on Lance's face told him that he wasn't the only one hurting.

So Keith let the flood of his emotions drown him.

"Why do I keep losing him, Lance?" he asked brokenly, voice soft and hoarse in the darkness of his room. Keith started to shake, and the tears finally spilled over. "Why can't I....why can't..."

He choked on a sob, and suddenly there arms around him, pulling him close. Keith clutched on to the back of Lance's shirt, the tears coming hot and fast. Lance rubbed his back, muttering softly, offering whatever comfort he could.

Keith couldn't remember the last time he'd allowed himself to cry like this. It was the kind of gut wrenching, exhausted crying that made you nauseous halfway through. He'd held it in for _so long,_ now. It was the culmination of losing Shiro so many times in so many ways, and now he was gone again. Maybe for good, this time. Keith buried his face in Lance's chest, the grip on his shirt becoming vice like as the grief ripped him apart.

They stayed like that for a few minutes. Lance never relaxed his hold around Keith, rubbing small circles on his back. Finally, when he felt the tears drying up, Keith pulled back. Wiping his palm under his eyes, he found the embarrassment nearly overwhelming. He turned away from Lance, ears growing hot when he saw the way his tears left dark stains on Lance's shirt.

"Um...sorry." His voice was crackly and hoarse in the aftermath, and he had to sniffle a few times to keep his nose from running. Keith felt so profoundly awkward, with no idea how to ease the tension he felt. But Lance just chuckled softly, and Keith turned back to face him.

"Don't worry about it. It's what friends are for, you know?" He gave Keith a small smile, but it was genuine. Keith found himself returning it without thinking.

Lance gestured towards the door, raising his eyebrows at Keith. "Come on, let's go find Hunk and have him make us something hot to drink. And then...maybe we should all talk about what happened today."

Shame stung Keith again, but he nodded. He couldn't deny it was a good idea.

"Hey," Lance said softly. Keith looked up again, and saw that same expression of understanding on Lance's face. "The others aren't mad, ok? They don't blame you for what happened. In fact, we all feel kind of shitty that we didn't notice how bad it's been for you." He put a hand on Keith's shoulder, so reminiscent of Shiro that Keith's throat closed all over again. "But I wanted you to know...we're not giving up on Shiro either, ok? Yeah, we have a universe to save and all that...but we're gonna find him. Together, as a team. You're not alone anymore, Keith. We're here for you, always."

Keith blinked, a little stunned at the speech. But he smiled, even if it was still a bit watery. "Thanks, Lance," he said softly. "That...means a lot."

Lance grinned, and slung an arm around Keith's shoulders. "No problem, man. I'm your right hand man now, after all. Hey, you think Hunk can make chamomile tea? Like, I know we don't have any Earth ingredients here, but you think he could like, MacGyver that somehow?"

Keith's brow furrowed. "MacWho?"

Lance groaned, steering them both out of Keith's room. "You did _not _just say that, oh my god."

They continued down the hallway, Lance explaining the concept of MacGyver while Keith looked on in confusion.

The emptiness in Keith's chest still pulsed, like a wound that was still raw. Shiro was gone, and Keith still felt it in every fiber of his being. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be whole again.

But now...he doesn't have to do it alone. He has friends now, friends who can help him, friends he can _trust_. They would fix this together.

And for the first time since Shiro disappeared, Keith felt...hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and constructive criticism are appreciated and encouraged :)
> 
> Check me out on [Tumblr](https://shirocomplex.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
